You're flagged...no really you are...

Ok so I had an issue a few months ago. These two clowns who my boyfriend knows came into my bar and drank a bunch and then proceeded to ask around the bar to see if anyone could score them some blow. Ok whatever you want to do on your own time is fine, but don't do it right in front of me and jeopardize my job ok? So my boyfriend being the idiot he is, decided to help them out. Long story short he went outside to deal with the guy selling it and the two kids in the bar think they're getting robbed so they start throwing a fit, ran outside and scared the dealer off. Then they start threatening my boyfriend's life. F-off is what i said to them and told all of them to leave. As I was kicking them out the back door the one short little red headed shit called me a stupid bitch. Fine with me, don't ever come back! And thats how it ended...until this Sunday night. I'm working and the one guy (not the little shit the other one) comes in with a guy I've never seen and they started drinking. They weren't causing any problems so I was fine with it. But then the little red head shows up and I told him to turn around and leave I didn't want him there. His friend asks me why i did that and i told him that his friend had called me a bitch. He then replies, "you are a bitch". To which I told him that if he wants to be like that he can leave and stay the hell out of the bar cause he's flagged. He proceeds to call me a bunch of names and demand the money back for his beer blah blah blah. You know what, if you're going to call your bartender names be prepared. Especially if they are not having a good night. Really, I don't care about you, I don't care about your money. I want my business to go smooth and not have any problems. And if that means kicking douche bags like that out fine. Don't ever argue with a bartender who flags you. There are plenty of other bars to go to. Let it go.
Then I had the pleasure of witnessing a woman get flagged last night by my co-worker/brother billy. This woman walks into the bar and says give me a miller lite draft bitch. Billy turned right around and told her to leave. This woman decided to put up a fight. "Well I am neighbors to your owners son and he'll be hearing about this....blahblahblah" You know what lady I don't care who you are or who you live next to. You are being disrespectful to me? I don't go into your job and treat you like shit so I'd expect you not to do the same. People are so goddamned stupid and inconsiderate sometimes. So moral of the story, respect your bartenders and if you do get flagged, move on to the next establishment or go home and go to bed.

Shut Up and Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job

This rant is simple and straightforeward. If you order a drink at the bar, unless the bartender asks you how you would like it prepared, it is NOT a good idea to tell them how long to chill your shot for, or that a half and half is guiness and harp layered. About 98% of the time, the bartender does have a clue as to what is going on. There is no need for you to remind them that you want Southern Comfort in your soco and lime. Yes, thanks ASS I know. I saw the funniest thing the other night. This big, goofy obnoxious oaf comes into the bar and starts ordering rounds of shots for a huge group of people. He says he wants a snakebite, well chilled, you got that? well chilled! I want it ice cold. And he did. The bartender let his shot sit in the shaker for a good fifteen minutes getting all watered down because this guy decided to be a tool and try to tell him how to do his job. There is not much to say along these lines. This is my job, I know what I am doing. If I don't, believe me I will look it up and learn it, or I will ask you. But I don't need someone being obnoxious and butting their nose into my business. I don't walk into your office and tell you how to do your job right? Thank you.

Free Shit

OK now I work in a few different establishments but there is a common trend in bars, no matter where you go. There is always someone out there looking for a free drink, a free shot, a free beer, etc. Let me spell this out nicely. Sodas cost money too. Don't think that just because you are ordering a soda that I wont charge you. It is my job to put money into the register. And if you come to the bar and flag me down obnoxiously and proceed to ask me for a glass of water you had better be DAMNED sure that you throw me a buck or two. Just because water is free doesn't mean you can take me away from my paying customers and not make any money off of it. I mean doesn't this make sense.
Now that we have water and sodas covered lets continue to ordering. If a bartender asks you what you want to drink, the worst thing you can do is..."I'll have two bottles of miller lite, one Cosmo...hey guys what do you want?.....uh....uh....a blue moon and...uh....uh" NO! This type of ordering does not fly. Go up to the bar with your list of drinks ready and be quick, because if you take any longer than ten seconds ordering I am leaving to help a customer who is prepared and ready. OK? Get it?
Along these same lines, do not under any circumstances order 1 shot of red death, 1 shot of jolly rancher etc. In essence, if the shot you are doing has more than two liquors in it you had better order at least two. I am nice and will make them, then save the extra and drink it myself but I know plenty of bartenders who will laugh in your face if you order one shot of red death. And I don't blame them. Really, if you want to do a shot by yourself that badly man up and learn how to drink something straight, like tequila, whiskey or some sort of schnapps my personal preference is Rumple Mintz. But are you catching my drift?
OK finally, onto free shit. I don't care if you order ten rounds of drinks from me and you are paying each time. Don't EVER imply to the bartender that you want something for free. I mean really that's like me going into your job as an insurance salesperson or something and saying well I'm here and I've been paying my insurance for a while so can I have a month of x (whatever you please) for free? NO, that's absurd. No one in their right mind would do that. So why is it socially acceptable to go into a bar and expect that a shot or a beer is free. I find it everywhere. At the little local bar I work at I actually have people who refused to pay their tabs. In most establishments there is a certain amount of booze that the bartender is permitted to give away (my one job we call it a comp. check) for 20 dollars we can buy customers drinks and at the end of the night managers comp those drinks. Its a good idea, and here's the thing, its up to the bartender not the customer. See a bartender who just gives free shit away all the time is stealing. I am not loosing my job because you don't want to pay for your beer. If you tip me well and you are a pleasant person I may buy your drink for you. But I am not stealing from my place of employment just because you want to be cheap or get something for free. If that is the case, go to the beer distributor and buy a case of beer and sit at home.

jukebox etiquette

Ok I have to make this quick because I have to be in class in twenty minutes. I just want to take a minute to touch on jukebox etiquette because some people are such morons that they have no idea how to use one correctly. First of all, never, ever, ever ever EVER play Freebird in a bar. Never. I don't care if you think you can justify it, you can't, don't even try, you'll just look like a moron. Secondly, now we have these nifty internet connected jukeboxes in which you can surf over thousands of songs and then choose if you would like to skip over all the other music people have played to hear yours next. That is the worst invention in the world! I mean really, patience is a virtue. Since we were little our parents stressed patience. But NO, American society needs to be instantly gratified. Always. Even when it comes to music in a bar. It drives me nuts, I have actually seen jukebox wars go on in which people wasted over twenty dollars just to play their crappy music over someone else's crappy music who also pumped a rediculous amount of money into the machine. Its amateur and childish. Also...its ok if a good song comes on and you want a little volume, but EVERY OTHER SONG?!?!?!?! Calm your damn horses, I'm putting the volume on one setting and don't you DARE yell at me to "turn it up". So to sum up, be smart about your music picks, be polite and courteous to those around you and most of all to your bartender.

Arguing in Bars

Ok, I just want to start off by saying that it is a free country and one can do whatever one wishes. That being said, it drives me goddamned nuts when people scream and yell at each other while sitting in a quiet bar. Its one thing if the setting is a crowded pub downtown, but it is quite another in a corner bar, to get into a yelling match debating something as stupid as who won the MVP from whatever team in such and such a year. Yes Billy and Leon I mean you. Or the fight I saw almost break out the other night with the F-word flying around. And why? Because there was a disagreement between two grown men about whether or not Bob Dylan was on the first Traveling Wilburrys album. I mean truthfully, we have probably all done it once or twice, but alcohol is an amazing force which when used in excess results in some of the most rediculous things I have ever seen. I mean arguing is one thing, its a natural occurrence. But for a prostitute to argue with the bartender over a free drink because there's no you-know-what for her to suck in the parking lot to get money, it gets a little excessive. Even more excessive is when friends are arguing and a stranger interjects. Dude! Mind your own business, you have NO idea what you just got into! And this on more than one occasion has resulted in the stranger being so incredibly disgusted with the situation that he left the premises and never returned. The long and the short of it is...keep your voice down if the setting is not appropriate for yelling, please...for every one's sake.

But before I finish I just have another tid bit to add. Coupled with additional substances for example cocaine, the situation escalates to rapid fire yelling matches. Over who is a better band, where the best place to shoe shop is or whether the color purple is gay or not. Seriously I have witnessed some of the most asinine arguments with people under the influence it it hilarious.

p.s. If your bartender is standing two feet away talking to someone, it is in very poor manners for you to yell at them to get you a shot, or a drink, or anything. Wait your goddamned turn. I see you, I have a list of people I am serving, you are one of them, I WILL GET TO YOU. On that note, DO NOT slam your glass down, snap your fingers or whistle either, because I am not an f-ing dog, if you wave at me I will wave at you right back. If you yell at me though I just might lose my cool. My job entails much more than just serving drinks, it involves showing people attention among other things so I am not talking to people because I want to its because I have to. So don't think I am lazy because I am not serving you yet. Hold your horses, you'll get your damn drink.